You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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