i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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