fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
