you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
