I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
