I met the friendliest cop last night
I've blown a few things in my day
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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