I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he shaved USA in his pubs
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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