I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
