if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
