We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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