The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
