I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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