Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
