I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
