i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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