I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
