Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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