You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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