Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
