He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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