We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she peed on how many people?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
