see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
