I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
