guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
