Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
