Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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