The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
