In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
