The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
