i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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