I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
