At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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