Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
