It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
