The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
