If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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