did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
