Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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