i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
