So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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