Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
