she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
