just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
