When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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