I cockslap morals
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
false alarm, still single
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