After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
