Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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