Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
