You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
