he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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