They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
