God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
