Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
